Out of Sight: How Finding Your Focus Can Beat Your Fears

The nurse removed her gloves and smiled down at me. “You’re at a two. Did the contractions just start?”

“I’ve been having these since church was over.” I had sat in my gazebo all afternoon timing the irregular contractions, thinking how sweet it would be to have a baby on Mother’s Day.

“We’ll wait and see if you’re really in labor before we call the doctor.”

“I’m sure. I’m in labor.” I looked to my husband.

“You know this is a VBAC, right?” My husband asked.

“Right.” My previous incision could rip open and I could die on the table. My other doctor had hooked me up to monitors at every appointment. “Where are the monitors?”

“VBAC’s are no problem. Is this your first labor?” The nurse glanced down at her clipboard as though searching for the answer. Though, I suspected she already knew and intended to point out I didn’t know what to expect.

Due to my first child being breach, I’d had a scheduled C-section bypassing labor.

Oh God, she’s right. I have no idea what I’m doing.

And this hospital was much smaller hospital than the one where I delivered my first baby. My heart beat faster. I never should have changed doctors at the last minute. What had I been thinking? Nobody did that.

Another contraction seized me, and I gripped the side-rail while pain racked my middle. A cry escaped from deep inside. It had been so important to me to have a vaginal labor. But the OBGYN I trusted wouldn’t allow it.

“Insurance,” she’d said. “Can’t do procedures my insurance doesn’t cover.” Then she’d laughed. “I guess you could go somewhere else. Though there’s not another hospital that allows it in this area that I would trust.”

How could I dismiss her warning? God had blessed me with an awesome doctor who had walked me through miscarriages and a successful birth. And I’d rejected the blessing. I’d found someone who would allow the VBAC I wanted. Doing things my way hardly ever worked out. I’d put my trust in this new doctor after meeting him once, and he wasn’t even the one on call.

And this hospital didn’t even recognize a woman in labor!

Click here to read the rest of my guest post on author, Jerusha Agen’s Fear Warrior Blog.

Out-of-sight-blog-title-graphic (1280x853)

2 thoughts on “Out of Sight: How Finding Your Focus Can Beat Your Fears

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s